Anxiety, Medication, Mental Health, Plans, Sleep

Coping Skills

I’m learning to live with the side effects of the Cymbalta.  Yogurt is my new best friend.  It’s easy on my tummy and I found a flavor I like (Yoplait’s Whips in Chocolate).  They’re 100 calories a pop and I can usually get two down.  I’ve been eating those for breakfast and lunch and trying to choke down whatever we’re having for dinner.

I actually started adding Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner in my to-do app.  It’s definitely got a game type vibe to it, and that helps motivate me to actually open it up.

I’ve given myself permission to take a Klonopin during the day if things get really rough.  Yes, I get the doctor’s point that she doesn’t want to change too many variables at once.  But there’s no use in torturing myself.  All that accomplishes is making me want to eat even less, which feeds back into the anxiety.

Thankfully, I seem to be sleeping better.  The increase in the Trazodone has helped on that front.  I was hoping the sleep would help with my pain, but alas, that doesn’t seem to be the case.  In fact, it seems to be worse than before, with a lot more muscle tension and spasms.  I’m going to start back up on the magnesium supplement I was taking since the Cymbalta (or lack of food) is screwing with my lower GI tract.

Finally, I’m taking it one day at a time.  That’s the only way I’m going to get through my life.  I’ve quit looking toward the future because I don’t see it dramatically changing any time soon.

Fibromyalgia, Health, Plans, Randomness

7 Years

A lot has changed in 7 years.  I’m a marginally happier person, thanks to years of being away from my crazy family.  My health has taken a huge hit.  Fibromyalgia sucks big time.  I’m out of work, and would love to go back to teaching.  But, realistically, that’s not going to happen.  My body and mind can’t take the stress.  I’ll miss my treatment team in Korea for sure.  I had an excellent psychiatrist and rheumatologist.

I have no resolutions for the new year.  I’m just trying to survive one day at a time.

Not sure about the blogging thing, I logged back in here on a whim and saw it was my 7th blogging birthday.  We’ll see what the future brings.

As for me, I’m heading back to my warm bed to try to sleep off whatever disease my brothers and I picked up at church on Christmas Eve.

Plans, Positive things, Randomness, Work

Freedom

If all goes well, I’ll sign a contract with a new school on Saturday.  I’m getting away from the Wicked Witch of the East

I was told our incompatibilities was due to the fact I’m the first American teacher they worked with.  They just didn’t want to pay their fair share and I would have lost almost 2 grand over the course of the year.  Plus they thought I was going to pay 300 bucks a month in health insurance when, if they followed the law, I would have paid more like 40.

So overall good news.  And, despite the bed being broken (for a month now and after numerous requests to fix it) I slept like a baby last night.  So much so I’m up at 7  AM.

Anxiety, Cats, Plans, Positive things, Randomness

Friday

Not a bad day at all.  Got my pain shots and hopefully, they’ll last until Tuesday.  I only been half sleeping because of the pain.  I didn’t even think about asking for pain meds.  Oh well, the world will keep on turning.

I’m still trying to work up the never to publish the pink pajama stuff.  It’s in my private blog.  It’s no worse than anything else, but I’m still having trouble with it.  People used to tell me I was courageous for telling my story.  Well, I’m not very courageous now.  I just can’t do it.  I panic thinking about it.

Rain is in the forecast for the next two days.  Wet weather usually means pain.  But I need to get to the store.  I dropped my lamp and burned out the light bulb.  I hate this 100000 watt overhead light of mine (which is in the process of dying too).  I need litter.  The vet closed early so I didn’t get it on my way home.  I need something to wash my floor.  That will be a 2 day project.  Vacuuming on Saturday and mopping on Sunday.  I’d like to organize my one storage area, but that depends on my energy level (which has been shit lately).

I caught a gig to do some voice over stuff.  All they wanted was a female native English speaker.  And the guy who need said person is a friend of a Korean coworker.  100 bucks for 2 hours.  I’ll take it.  That can go to cover Gidgette’s last round of blood work.

Time to feed the kitties.  Gidgette so lovingly puked early this morning.

Fibromyalgia, Plans, Randomness

Not Again

Yet again, I ended up on the ground.  Landed on the knee I hurt last winter.  There’s still a little fluid on it, so I hope this doesn’t aggravate that.  I’m not a big fan of the draining.  Got my left ankle all taped up.  Apparently the tendon I hurt is a popular one.  Dr. Kim sees about 10 a day.  Maybe Korea is just a klutzy country.  Bring a klutz to a klutzy country and pain will ensue.

I managed to not mentally beat myself up for falling.  It was hard not to.  I have to accept this is part of my life now.  The pain has mostly subsided (but I can keep up the shots as needed), but the fatigue and muscle weakness is worse.  Trade one for the other.

I’m thinking of finding (with translation help) a beginner adult ballet class I could go to in the morning.  I would explain I have a medical condition that might limit some of the things I can do.  But I need to find something to do with my mornings and something to work on strength and flexibility.  If I can’t find anything, I’ll see what I can find on the internet.  I guess it’s a moot point until I get clearance from Dr. Kim to do it.  Ballet was something I did as a kid.  In some ways it helped with the pain of the more jarring tap classes.  And I did a lot more tap than ballet.  Probably 3-4 times more.  I figure once I have clearance (see above ankle injury) I’ll do PT 4 days a week and as much as I can of the ballet the other 4 days.  And yes, I’ll listen to my body.  I’ve found I really need to do that more and more.

I went to grade tests this morning (Oh how I hate supporting StarBucks, but they’re the only ones who have a chai tea latte).  I got through maybe a dozen.  I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  It had nothing to do with boredom.  Never a dull moment (“I lost my pocket” being my current favorite answer).  But my brain and my body were screaming at me.  I ran up to the bookstore to pick up my copy of “Mummies in the Morning” (oh god kill me now for having to teach this) and a phonics books for my kindy kids.  Then on my way to the cab, I fell.  Went to see Dr. Kim.  X-rays, the works.  Another mention of the deterioration of my cartilage in my knee.  Another reminder that osteoarthritis goes back at least 3 generations in my maternal side, and usually starts in the mid 30s.  Also another reminder he found it in my wrists and shoulder.  Can’t blame that on being fat.

Once I got home, I went to bed.  I woke up to find Gidgette under the covers next to me and Ivory on top of me.  They only do that if they’re cold (not cold yet) or if they think I’m upset.  Animals know more than you think.  Speaking of said animals, they want dinner.