Another week. Another day of therapy. And as usual, it didn’t disappoint (just kidding).
Since I’ve been talking about cancer treatment there, I went through what the oncologist said yesterday. Basically I have two medical options for long term treatment. I can go with Tamoxifen but it requires getting off the Wellbutrin. And that doesn’t seem like it’ll happen anytime soon. So medically, my other option is shutting down the ovaries with Lupron and treating with Arimidex. That’ll cause menopause. The other option is removing the ovaries and going with the Arimidex. At the moment the choice is Lupron and Arimidex. The long term plan is to go off the Wellbutrin and then switch to Tamoxifen.
We talked about control and losing control of my body. Losing what makes me a women. In other words, the ability to reproduce. Not that I want to reproduce, but the thought of it. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. But it does. Perhaps that’s something to explore next week. The other small topic on this was going to the dentist next week. It’s my worst nightmare. Why? At least I can answer that one. Feeling exposed. Feeling vulnerable. Having someone (turns out it’s a woman) standing over me. Yeah. Nightmare.
On of my usual comments was X is my fault. In this case letting the depression and voices get so bad without asking for some help. I got the usual “It’s not your fault”. Fault and responsibility is something I struggle with everyday. I don’t even know how this came up. But it did.
I guess it’s a matter of putting one foot in front of another. Hopefully the increase in Haldol will help with the voices and the Zoloft will help with the depression. And now that radiation is finished, hopefully the fatigue will subside.