I love ER. I have since the first day it aired. Now I found in syndication and it cheers me up; at least for an hour it does.
Tonight was not one of those nights. The plot and the characters weren’t important. But seeing them examine a 6 year old to confirm sexual abuse was out of left field. I guess I should start reading the blurbs that DirecTV has.
It wasn’t the exam part. I never went through that. It was the thought of the little girl being violated that got to me. I got pretty close to that flashback spiral. It didn’t hit me so hard that I couldn’t control it. I went out to the kitchen immediately and took my PRN anxiety med. That helped. I got out of my room so I didn’t have to deal with the bedroom stuff. That helped. I turned to a mystery novel to get my head in another place. It helped.
I have a feeling that Dr. D would be proud of me. I did the right things to keep my head in the present. And that’s been hard for me all along. I can only take one day at a time. I made it through 19/20 radiation sessions with that attitude. I know this is a long trek for me and I will have bad times. Right now the bad seems to outweigh the good. But I’ve got friends who support me. I have a fluffy white kitty on my lap right now and another mutt hanging out under the blankets on my bed.
Baby steps. Just remember baby steps.