I have a appointment with a GYN on Friday because my shitty ass PCP won’t prescribe birth control. Really? Why the hell did you go into primary care. Prescribing BC sort of falls into primary care these days since you don’t need to see a GYN if you’re not sexually active (or at least not more than once every three years). I tried to explain my history to him, but he didn’t give a rats ass. He doesn’t do birth control. He conveniently doesn’t do psych meds or pain meds either, though these are a bit more understandable. I have a psychiatrist appointment for Friday and I hate those. I hate going into my past. But that’ll be a walk in the park compared to seeing the GYN. Luckily this person came highly recommended by the referral line.
I also know I need to get back into therapy. But I’m too scared to even call and make an appointment. There’s a place in town that used to serve abuse survivors. It’s been folded into another agency but from their website it seems like maybe they still specialize in survivors. Nothings going to change, but I’m such a chicken that even thinking about calling them is freaking me out. I had a good experience with them before. I don’t know what’s up with me.
Right now, I’m so anxious, I’m nauseated. I don’t want to eat. I haven’t eaten all day, which is probably why my stomach is hating me. I tend to get really nauseous when my blood sugar falls. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going on now. It’s a crappy spiral. My stomach isn’t happy so I don’t eat which screws with my blood sugar which makes me more nauseous. We’ve got some nice French bread, maybe I’ll try to eat a piece of that and see if it doesn’t settle my stomach.
Long story short, I’m a coward.