Or maybe just some of it. OK, probably none of it.
My brain is utterly fried. I don’t know what to blame it on… constant stress, depression, anxiety, fibro. All of the above, maybe?
I guess if you want to look on the plus side, my PTSD symptoms are pretty much nonexistent aside from anxiety and a wicked startle response. But I’m bone tired. Like stay in bed all day bone tired. And my bones hurt from the cold. Spring can’t come soon enough for me.
My doc started me on a muscle relaxant at night. While that’s a good thing (I think since I’m not waking up with spasms in my back and legs) my muscles seem to clamp down even harder during the day. I could barely straiten my back yesterday.
I’ve applied for my state’s medicaid program. I’m trying to figure out what the next step with them is. The website isn’t exactly clear. I guess I need to go in person. Luckily for me, there’s an office in the city I live in. It’s just a depressing place to go. I’ve already found out that my current PCP doesn’t take medicaid. Bad because I hate getting established with a new doctor. Good because, well, to be honest, I didn’t really like my PCP to begin with. On the other hand, who knows. The new one could be worse. And all this is stressing me out too.
I think the only thing keeping me sane is my kitties. I’m house/cat sitting for someone this week. Their kitty loves me. He always wants to be on top of me, kneading me. And damn it. It hurts. I can only put him down so many times before he gets more insistent. Oh well. It’s only for a few more days and then I’ll be back with my mostly non cuddly kitties.
From Darkness to Light 