Thank goodness for this truce between my mind and body. I’m starting to feel like a human being again. The other day I didn’t get out of bed until 5 PM but I didn’t care. I’ve decided to listen to my body. And when my knee starts hurting, I’m taking a half dose of the pain meds. I can’t keep torturing my body with my stubbornness.
I’m not in a long-winded mood today so I’ll keep it short and sweet.
I was dreaming about Christmas last night. But it centered around standing in lines. I don’t know what I was trying to get. I think there was a grocery store involved. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get to the register. There were people pushing in front of me. When I was next, the thing would close up so I had to go join another line. It was barrier after barrier.
It does make sense. I feel like I’m in a perpetual state of limbo right now. Will UH write off my medical bills? Will I still have my job in Hong Kong? When will my energy and stamina come back? How much longer will I be on antibiotics? Hell, will my life ever get back to normal?
Yeah. Not my favorite day of the year. But it’s not as bad this year as in the past, even though I’m home rather than on the other side of the globe. I don’t have the energy for the symptoms. It’s like my brain and body have made a truce. My brain will leave me alone so my body can finish healing.
You know, even having finished counseling years ago, I feel closer to making peace with my past. I can’t change it. It’s always going to be there, but that was then and this is now. I don’t mean to say things will always be peachy keen. But I can keep moving forward.
I’m looking forward to moving to Hong Kong, but part of me wants a regular old job here in the states. One that will give me health insurance so I don’t have this stress I’m going through right now. I love teaching, but with my student loan debt going back to school isn’t an option. I don’t know. I get more confused as I think about it.
It feels like it’s taking forever to get any sort of strength back. I lost 13 pounds over the last 3 weeks. I’m off the IV antibiotics and the nausea is not here today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring though. The Cipro isn’t bothering me and I no long er need pain meds aside from the ones I’m taking for the fibro.
Now that the stitches and PICC line are out I was able to shower. Just using a cloth isn’t the same. It feels good to be clean (though I’m sticky and sweaty due to lack of A/C in the house).
I guess it’s now a matter of taking it day by day. The fibro flare is settling down. I should start PT sometime next week. But today I’m going to chill and do something mindless.
Lucky me. Gidgette scratched me the day before Memorial Day. I woke up the next day with my leg all infection. So I go to the ER and they dump my butt in the hospital. I keep telling them my knee hurts. They tap it the next day, and low and behold, I have an infection in the joint. I was in surgery that night. *sigh*
I ended up staying a week. That week I was discharged saw 2 visits to the ER for excessive pain, fever, nausea and vomiting. The second time they admitted me for the weekend.
So now I’m still on IV antibiotics. They put in a PICC line (essentially a semi-permanent IV) and that was not fun. With all luck (and my luck has been bad) they’ll pull the line on Friday and I’ll be able to regular antibiotics.
The first bill came today and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I hope I qualify for their charity program because one bill eats up nearly half of my savings and that was only from the ER.