From my cursory research, it seems like there is a relationship between past abuse and fibromyalgia. I won’t pretend to understand the science. I can barely concentrate on watching stupid sitcoms (King of Hill in the current case). But you know what. This makes me angry. I have the psychological fall out with depression, PTSD, and phobias (anyone want to come to Korea and hold me hand while I try to go to the dentist?) But now I feel like my body is betraying me too. I realize the fibro symptoms have been here for a long time, albeit at a much lower level. I was first screened for fibro in college, but I didn’t respond to the requisite number of trigger points.
I’m tired of all of this. And sometimes I wonder if it’s worth going on. I’m going to ask Dr. P about trying Cymbalta as that’s an antidepressant that’s approved to treat fibro as well. Then again, it might be all in my head. Those knots I feel in my shoulders and neck. I’m just imagining them. I find myself getting more and more cynical as time goes on. I try to pick up after myself, but I can never seem to get the shoebox I live in clean to my satisfaction. I need to mop the floors and wash the windows. Laundry is so exhausting I feel like I need to sleep right after hanging it up.
I want to scream. I want to yell at and shake the people who violated me as a child. I want them to know what they did to me and 20+ years later it’s still affecting my life.