Abuse Fall Out

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From my cursory research, it seems like there is a relationship between past abuse and fibromyalgia.  I won’t pretend to understand the science.  I can barely concentrate on watching stupid sitcoms (King of Hill in the current case).  But you know what.  This makes me angry.  I have the psychological fall out with depression, PTSD, and phobias (anyone want to come to Korea and hold me hand while I try to go to the dentist?)  But now I feel like my body is betraying me too.  I realize the fibro symptoms have been here for a long time, albeit at a much lower level.  I was first screened for fibro in college, but I didn’t respond to the requisite number of trigger points.

I’m tired of all of this.  And sometimes I wonder if it’s worth going on.  I’m going to ask Dr. P about trying Cymbalta as that’s an antidepressant that’s approved to treat fibro as well.  Then again, it might be all in my head.  Those  knots I feel in my shoulders and neck.  I’m just imagining them.  I find myself getting more and more cynical as time goes on.  I try to pick up after myself, but I can never seem to get the shoebox I live in clean to my satisfaction.  I need to mop the floors and wash the windows.  Laundry is so exhausting I feel like I need to sleep right after hanging it up.

I want to scream.  I want to yell at and shake the people who violated me as a child.  I want them to know what they did to me and 20+ years later it’s still affecting my life.

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About katm

I'm just your typical depressed donkey. I'm an abuse survivor. I deal with the pain and stiffness and other fun stuff that goes with fibromyalgia. I used to teach English for a living but because of my health, that isn't any option anymore. I love to cook and feel most in my element when I'm in the kitchen tinkering around.

One response »

  1. Hi Katm!

    I saw that you subscribed to my blog, so I came to visit you in return. I’m so sorry to hear you have fibro. Since you found the CDC’s research on abuse, I thought I’d share with you that it’s been discredited by the disease community. Reeves et al widened the disease definition so much in doing that work that the results are nearly meaningless. You can read more about that here.

    Hope this finds you having a good day!

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