Something the docs can’t blame on me being fat.  I found out today I have the beginnings of arthritis in my right wrist.  I’ve had pain off and on since high school.  It seems the arthritis interacting with a bit of RSI to make life fun for me.  So for the next week, it’s daily zapping by the electric squid (aka TENS), ultrasound treatment and cold packs.

This is the same doctor I saw when I first hurt my knee.  Today he was just as concerned about my knee as my wrist (and my thumb which the nice taxi driver smashed in the window).  He even gave me his personal cell phone number.  Not that I’d ever call him.

Cats, Positive things, Work

This Is Good, Right?

My boss wants me to revamp the writing curriculum.  All I did was make an offhand comment how I like a series of books better than what we’re currently using.  Actually I think they could be integrated with our current series.  I guess this is good because it means she trusts and respects my opinions.  But wow.  It feels like just one more thing on my plate.

I will add finding good writing books, especially here in Korea is difficult.  A lot of them end up being glorified grammar books.  I hate teaching grammar.  I suck at it. I kid you not, I had to buy “Grammar for English Language Teachers” because I’ve forgotten every single bit of grammar I learned in school.  And high school was *mumble* years ago too.

So now I’m off to change the litter.  I’m going to stop buying the stuff from Home Plus.  It looks and smells just like what the vet sells, but there’s a huge difference in its odor absorbing ability.  I end up needing to change the litter completely twice a week, whereas the stuff from the vet lasts a week.  And yes, I scoop twice a day.  The Home Plus is cheaper, but ends up costing me more in the end.

Medication, Mental Health

Med Go Round

I swear I don’t want to talk about it.  Let’s see.  He split the Lexapro in 3 rather than 2 doses.  Ummm, he added something for the persistent nausea.  I think he added a TCA in the afternoon.  I hate this crap.

He was so concerned about the nausea and lack of appetite (as in I’ve barely eaten in the last 72 hours) he decided to try an IV with some compazine.  That stuff burns going in.  And I swear the nurse picked the most sensitive spot.  The veins on the top of my hand are just fine, thank you very much.  She choose something at the base of my wrist on the back side.  Now I have a quarter sized bruise on the back of my wrist.

I hate my brain.  I just want al this stuff to go away.  I just want to feel normal for once.  I’m finishing this and then I’m crawling in bed to hopefully make the world go away until morning.

Oh yeah, He = Dr. Park, my psychiatrist

Health, Venting

So Tired

I have an inkling I’m getting sick.  I have a bit of a fever (as in I hit “normal”).  I’m tired.  My whole body aches.  All I want to do is curl up with the kitties and watch mindless TV.  I try to get stuff done, but even doing a load of laundry is killing me.  I hate my washing machine.  It’s || this much out of balance and if I “overload it” (meaning anything more than half full) it has hissy fits when it goes to spin.  It beeps at me and I have to go and rearrange the wet clothes and bash a button. It’s a good thing I have a clean pair of pants for tomorrow.

I know this is really whiny.  I’m sorry.  This weekend has been almost totally nonproductive.  I took Gidgette to the vet and I managed to get to the store to buy lunch for the week.  Sushi for tomorrow and salads for the rest of the week.


Vet Visit

Poor Gidgette picked up some sort of fungal infection on her neck.  I feel bad.  It must have been there a while, but I only saw it last night.  I took her to my vet this morning.  He assured me it wasn’t anything to really worry about.  He gave her some sort of vaccine, looks like it might be a ringworm vaccine from some quick Googling.  I have a cream to put on it and a medicated shampoo.  Yay.  Kitty bath.  He told me to occasionally use the shampoo on Ivory as a preventative.  Yay.  Two kitty baths.  All in all, around 60 dollars.  I shudder to think what it would cost in the US.

Gidgette goes back in three weeks for a booster.  That’s conviently around the same time Ivory needs her annual boosters.  So two cats in one trip.  Oh fun.

Fears, Health, My story, PTSD

Not Pleasant

Part of the reason I hate going to the doctors is I hate having my personal space invaded.  I realize it’s a necessary part of it.  But I really hate going to the ENT.  Back story.  Last Tuesday I woke up with my uvula swollen up like a cherry.  In retrospect, it was kinda funny.  At the time, not so much.  So I went to my idiot GP who told me I had tonsillitis (funny seeing I had mine taken out as a teenager), gave me a bunch of pills, a shot and told me to drink warm water.  Korean doctors are obsessed with warm water, not just water, warm water.  I drank cold.  It felt better on my sore throat.  I also went out and bought a humidifier which definitely has helped with thing.

Friday,not being all that much better, I went to an ENT.  He’s a strange goose in his own regard.  I hate his chair and the damn head rest..  I hate how close he has to get to see.  Today really sucked.  He’s decided I have an acute sinus infection with really sticky mucus and post nasal drip.  Well, duh.  I could have told him that.  So he numbs up my throat and literally takes a little vacuum cleaner to it.  I get he wanted to get the junk out, but I eventually (like after 90 seconds) of this, pushed him away.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I couldn’t breathe and I felt on the verge of panic.  Then to make things more fun, he took the same vacuum to my nose.  That wasn’t so bad.

I have really big issues with people doing stuff in my mouth.  Hence, my phobia of dentists.  Although it wasn’t one of my father’s favorite things to do, he did like oral sex.  I didn’t know what I was doing, but I know I hated it.  Just the thought of it makes me sick.

I have to go back to the ENT in 3 days.  I will definitely be taking some Valium beforehand.  Hopefully it will make it easier to deal with everything.

Emotions, Questions

6 Days a Week

It seems like I get 6 days a week where I can be productive.  Either Saturday or Sunday, I just crash.  Today, I couldn’t get out of bed.  Like almost wet my bed because I was too tired to go to the bathroom.  My body aches like crazy.  Doing my shopping (I ran out of time yesterday) was such a chore.  It doesn’t help I have no appetite and nothing tastes right.  My brain is like a pile of mush.  I was congratulating myself for having such a productive day yesterday and then today, BAM!!!!!!

And I still have work to do.  There’s a load of laundry that needs hung up.  I need to change the litter box.  I need to bundle up the garbage.  I spent yesterday doing stuff for work.  Writing tests and lesson plans.  I honesty don’t know how I’m going to do it.  Is it my meds?  I probably should get my thyroid reevaluated.  I wonder if I’m anemic.  I rarely eat beef and I never seem to remember to take my multivitamin.


I joke with my students when they ask how old I am.  I tell them 742.  But hell, I really feel like I’m 742 right now.

Anger, Venting


I am so sick and tired of trying to get Windows 7 updated to service pack 1.  I can’t even believe this.  I think I find a fix.  I get the entire thing downloaded (taking seriously like 90 minutes) and I get another error.  Google tells me the error means Windows update can’t contact home.  WTF??????????

I love my netbook.  It’s tiny.  It gets good battery life.  It’s easy to take to a cafe and work.  But why MS??  Why do you have to make it so hard.  And today isn’t the first time I’ve tried.  I’ve tried about 3 times.  I can’t take it anymore.  I’m so ready to find a lightweight Linux distro and put it on there.  It’s either that or throw it out the window.  And since I love it so much, I’m not going to throw it out the window over Windows.

Anxiety, PTSD

Weekly Roundup

What a week.  Woke up Tuesday with my uvula swollen to the size of a cherry.  That was fun.  Went to an ENT today since I’m still having trouble with it.  Tried not to freak out in his chair.  Sometime about the head rest and thing in my mouth and up my nose got my anxiety level spiked.  Just as I managed to bring it down, they wanted to do in IM injection.  Most nurses are happy to let me just lean on the exam table.  This one insisted on having me lie on my stomach.  I NEVER lie on my stomach.  It sends me into flashbacks.  My whole butt on display and her hands (doing exactly what they should have been doing, I’ll admit) was almost too much for me.  I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  Before going back to work, I stopped in the little park in the nearby apartment complex to get my head back together.

I went back to work (I had a three hour break), but got nothing done.  I couldn’t focus on writing lesson plans or grading student writing.  So I just sat in my classroom and tried to keep my head in the present.

This is the first serious run in with flashbacks I’ve had in quite a long time.  I’m still struggling against them.  I treated myself to India take-out for dinner.  I bought a humidifier that will hopefully help with whatever weird throat thing I have going on.  And if this chicken tikka masala is rated 1 chili peper, I think they need to revise their rating scale.  It was spicy.  But I couldn’t stop eating it.  It was really yummy.  I’ll probably go back to the blander thing I was getting before.  Or stick to things that are rated 0 chili peppers.