Rough Night

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It’s 1:15 AM.  I’m awake.  I’m not happy with this little fact.  I’m stressed with trying to get my visa transfer taken care of, moving and all the other crap that goes along with changing jobs.  I got the guilt trip from my grandmother the other day when I called to wish her happy birthday.  I get she wants me to come home.  She doesn’t get I don’t want to.

It’s stuffy in here and my stupid air conditioner isn’t working.  My toilet has been plugged up for 3 days and calls to the landlord go unanswered.  I’m pissed at the world, in general.

I’ve been tapering down off the Zoloft on my docs reccomendation because it’s giving me RLS like symptoms at night.  I can feel the dark clouds closing in along with the anxiety.  He’s not a psychiatrist so he doesn’t want to prescribe something else.  Hell, he didn’t want to prescribe Zoloft in the first place.  He had only ever used Prozac.  Trust me, Prozac and me didn’t get along.  I refuse to even try it again.  I’d rather not repeat the insanity of weeks with little to no sleep culminating in a trip to the loony bin.

Is it even worth trying to get into a psychiatrist here?  I’m moving in 3 weeks.  I feel like banging my head against the wall.  For the first time in quite a long time, I’ve been having SI urges.  That’s why I’m here typing this.  It’s been too long for me to go back to that particular coping mechanism.

I feel like a whiny little brat right now.  So I guess I’ll just stick my head under the shower to cool off.  Hopefully it won’t set up a trigger cascade.

*thinks positive thoughts*

Then I’ll go grab a kitty and get her to snuggle for a while.

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About katm

I'm just your typical depressed donkey. I'm an abuse survivor. I deal with the pain and stiffness and other fun stuff that goes with fibromyalgia. I used to teach English for a living but because of my health, that isn't any option anymore. I love to cook and feel most in my element when I'm in the kitchen tinkering around.

5 responses »

  1. Kitty therapy is always good. I started cuddle-pillow therapy in 2003, and that helped dramatically. Hang on – there’s some of us rooting for you out here.

  2. Kitty therapists are quite good but so are human companions. If possible hang with a friend or something.

    I didn’t realize Zoloft could cause RLS. That’s interesting.

    You have email.

    Faith

  3. Moving home is always very stressful and having a bathroom where things don’t work isn’t much better. Hope the landlord has fixed the problem before the weekend.

    Are you moving to another place in Korea?

  4. Hmmm… I’ll try moving the Zoloft to the evening. I don’t notice jumpiness during the day, but it could be because I’m always moving around. Going down on the dosage has helped some. I’m just tired in general.

    Austin, I only realized the correlation for me on a day I forgot to take the Zoloft. I had a much better night. In my research, it looks like iron deficiency might also be a factor. I might get whatever doctor I find in Daejon to test me for anemia (and recheck my thyroid at the same time).

    I love my kitty therapists. I’m so happy both of them consent to cuddling, tho Ivory likes it better than Gidgette.

    Mo, I’m moving to Daejon, which is a couple hours from where I am now. It’s closer to Seoul, so that’s slightly exciting.

    As far as the toilet goes, I’m still without a functional toilet. The landlord came two days in a row and swore he fixed it. He did not. I don’t know if he just cleaned it out and plunged it a bit or what. But if you just flush it, the water rises, and then slowly drains out. So here it is, Saturday night and I’m without a toilet. My boss called the landlord again who has promised to call a plumber.

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