Monthly Archives: May 2010

Organized? Yup.

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You Are an Organized Worker


You are a very private person. You don’t open up easily, and you don’t open up to just anyone.

You draw a lot of inspiration and energy from your own internal world. You get bored easily around other people.

You are confident and competent. You tend to not make mistakes, and you trust your judgment.

You are down to earth and practical. You achieve success one step at a time, by paying attention to details.

A Crocodile?

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You Are a Crocodile


You are fierce and strong. You go after any prey that is in your sights.

You have a take charge personality, and you are quite dominant. You are not easily intimidated.

It’s likely that you’ve had to struggle for survival in your life. You’ve had to develop a very thick skin.

You can be brutal, but you can also be tender. You tend to have two sides to your personality.

Superficial?

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Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a superficial person.  What shows on the surface is often different than what I feel and think in private.  I find it hard to express how I really feel about situations and things so I tend to say what I think people want to hear.  I may be privately thinking, I hate you bitch and I don’t want to help.  Instead, I say, no problem, I’d be happy to do it.

On the positive side, I’m better at identifying what I’m feeling.  On the minus side, I don’t often let people see it.  Is the old fear of expressing myself leading to punishment a good reason for hiding what I’m feeling?  Or am I just a bad person?

I can see a lot of black and white thinking in this.  I know I should try to see the shades of gray.  But I can’t.  It all gets lost.

So where to go from here?  It seems like a scary proposition to tell other people what I’m thinking and feeling.  Is it just the next stage.  It’s kind of like standing on a ledge making preparations to jump into the ocean.  It probably won’t hurt to jump, and it’ll be fun.  But I just can’t make that leap.

I was with two very good friends a few weeks ago.  R kept asking if I was OK.  In reality, no I wasn’t.  I was depressed, anxious and stressed over trying to find a new job.  Yet, all I could say was that I was OK.  I know my face betrayed my feelings.  But I couldn’t take that leap to say it.  No I’m miserable. I worried.  I’m scared.  I don’t want to go back home and look for a job.  I want to stay here, but recruiters are dragging their feet.

GAH!!!!!