Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Health

The Next Step

I’m really trying my best not to lose the last bit of sanity I appear to have.  I took my Korean co-worker’s advice and asked the doctor about the test results again.  He basically didn’t want to listen.  It’s his opinion that I probably just depressed.  However, he’s recommended that I go see an internist to have a more comprehensive set of blood work done.  I’m fine with that.  I don’t really care how much it costs (and I know it won’t be much).  I just want to feel better.

I had no way to convince this man that yes, I’m depressed with a little d.  My typical every day, that’s just how my life is.  I’m not Depressed with a big D.  This is not clinical depression.  I’ve had full blown, Major Depressive Disorder.  This is not the same thing.  I understand there may be some culture getting in the way.  But me sitting in his office crying does not equal Depression.  I’m physically exhausted.  I can’t do my job.  My hair is falling out and my nails just break off.  I’m cold.   I have no appetite and I eat enough to get by, yet I still gain weight.  I used to go to the gym and work out 4-5 days a week and yet I still gained weight.

The kicker was him suggesting as I was walking out that I’m homesick.  Please.  He didn’t believe me when I said I’m not.  And homesick is the last thing I am.  I’ve been in Ulsan 2.5 years.  This is my home.  My family only makes me crazy.  And given the prospects of getting a job back home, I don’t want to return to the madness any time soon.  And I really didn’t feel like explaining that to him.  I don’t think he could get it.  Maybe I’m underestimating him, but it’s just the gut feeling I have.

So the only thing to do is go see the internist.  That’s what I’ll do.  It may have to wait until winter break.  I don’t know if I can get one of the Korean teachers to go with me in the middle of the day.  Heck, I don’t really have time to go in the middle of the day.

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3 thoughts on “The Next Step”

  1. Hope things are OK with you. Missing seeing you in the usual places. You still have friends in far away places.

  2. No one want to hear that stuff. They turn away and don’t beleive you. I was abused until My mother told mother-in-law I killed my Dad. That was it for me. I moved to another state and raised my children as good as I could and I broke the chain of abuse w/ JESUS’S help.

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