Monthly Archives: October 2009

Music

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Have you ever found yourself obsessively listening to a song?  Why do I do this?  I was minding my own business listening to Martina McBride’s Greatest Hits album when Concrete Angel started playing.   I know this song gets to me.  I don’t know how it wouldn’t get to anyone, especially abuse surviors.  The story behind the song is heart breaking.  I think that’s what gets me the most.  Abuse by a drunken mother.  Nobody really trying to figure out what’s going on.  Hiding the pain.  And I realize that I could have ended up like the little girl in the story.

As I sit her typing this (and listening to the song for probably the 15th time) I’m crying.  I know in a way this is good.  I’m letting out the emotions I’ve been stuffing for so long.  But it hurts too.  I miss the days when I could just stuff it all.  I know it wasn’t healthy, but it worked.

Even though I made it out alive, the words “But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she’s loved…” still apply.  I won’t say that my dreams involved living in Asia.  But I dreamed of getting a good education and getting out of that hell hole.  And I did.  Sometime I think the “geographic cure” isn’t the best way to cope with my life.  But it’s working for me for the moment.  And maybe that’s all that really matters.

*sigh*

Maybe I should quit listening to this sound.  It’s getting a little OCD now.