Have you ever found yourself obsessively listening to a song? Why do I do this? I was minding my own business listening to Martina McBride’s Greatest Hits album when Concrete Angel started playing. I know this song gets to me. I don’t know how it wouldn’t get to anyone, especially abuse surviors. The story behind the song is heart breaking. I think that’s what gets me the most. Abuse by a drunken mother. Nobody really trying to figure out what’s going on. Hiding the pain. And I realize that I could have ended up like the little girl in the story.
As I sit her typing this (and listening to the song for probably the 15th time) I’m crying. I know in a way this is good. I’m letting out the emotions I’ve been stuffing for so long. But it hurts too. I miss the days when I could just stuff it all. I know it wasn’t healthy, but it worked.
Even though I made it out alive, the words “But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she’s loved…” still apply. I won’t say that my dreams involved living in Asia. But I dreamed of getting a good education and getting out of that hell hole. And I did. Sometime I think the “geographic cure” isn’t the best way to cope with my life. But it’s working for me for the moment. And maybe that’s all that really matters.
Maybe I should quit listening to this sound. It’s getting a little OCD now.