It figures

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I was actually having a good time.  I mean, come on.  How often does that happen.  Let me back up.  Today we had our Kindergarten Presentations.  Awwww, the kids were so damn cute.  When I got to the Art High School, I thought I was nauseous from motion sickness.  Damn idiot cab driver.  It was pretty bad, so I took some compazine, which I had in my purse.  I thourghly enjoyed the presentations.  Did I mention the kids were really cute?  About half way through, the headache started.  Oh crap, a migraine.  And of course, you know, I had no Zomig in my purse.  I must have taken the last one last week and forgot to put a new package in.  I also thought my ibuprofin bottle was empty (which it wasn’t).  Even if I had looked, I couldn’t have gotten those big horse pills down without water.

After presentations, some of the staff decided to go out to dinner.  We ended up at a Korean BBQ place down the street from the school.  We toasted with a shot of soju (I think this is where I really made the mistake).  Dinner came, we grilled up our meat.  I had some soup (spicy tofu soup, FWIW).  I had a little piece of grilled octopus.  This whole time, my headache was starting to go away from the 800mg of ibuprofin I popped and the nausea had died down from the compazine.

All of a sudden, I thought I was going to lose the little bit of food that I had eaten.  I ran to the bathroom.  It was disgusting.  But at least it wasn’t the hole in the ground toilet, it was a real western one.  The smell was so bad I ran right back out.  I gave a coworker some money and told her I was leaving.

I then ran home and proceded to puke.  Then I took a Zomig.  Now I’m waiting for the nausea and the headache, both that got worse from throwing up to subside.  I’m throwing my clothes on the floor.  I’ll deal with them tomorrow.  I’m going to climb into bed and put a pillow over my head to block out the light that comes in.

It totally sucks because I was actually having a good time.  I wasn’t stressing about this, that, or the other thing.  My mood was actually normal.  It almost feels like I can’t win.  The old thoughts of not deserving to be happy because I’m a bad person came flooding back.

Oh well.

*sigh*

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About katm

I'm just your typical depressed donkey. I'm an abuse survivor. I deal with the pain and stiffness and other fun stuff that goes with fibromyalgia. I used to teach English for a living but because of my health, that isn't any option anymore. I love to cook and feel most in my element when I'm in the kitchen tinkering around.

3 responses »

  1. you *do* deserve to be happy.

    migraines are rotten. and i’ve had similar things happen, health wise, feeling like i can’t win. make it through a long period of being depressed or triggered, finally the emotions ease, and then wham! my fibro flares up and i have to spend a week in bed. or similar experiences.

    but it doesn’t mean that i don’t deserve to feel good, or even (and this one is the one that nags in *my* mind) that i don’t *want* to feel good. sometimes, i think it’s just that my body gets worn out from the emotional stuff, and my resources are low, and so i crash.

    i hope your migraines improve, and that you have more chances to really enjoy things.

    and yeah, kindergarteners ARE soooooo cute!

  2. sorry to hear you’re not well, especially when you thought you are and was having a good time! i have a phobia of throwing up, so i have an idea how bad you must have felt, though i’d have thought the sight of the disgusting toilet at the korean bbq restaurant would’ve made you throw up then and there!

  3. Just wanted to tell you that I have been reading your writing since May and I’m really glad you keep doing it. Sorry that your night ended up like it did. Hope you feel better by the time you read this.

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