Not enough time

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Last week, my guinea pig, Sparkler, got sick. She died last night (August 19, 2008). I was holding her when she passed. I think she waited for me to get home from work so we could say goodbye. During my lunch hour yesterday, I spent the time holding her. I put her in her cage and went back to work. Then I had to go out to dinner to welcome the new teachers. I came home and took her out of her cage. She squeaked a few times. Purred a little bit. Looked up at me, and then she went to heaven.

I hurt right now. I only had my little girl for about 7 months. It wasn’t enough time with her.

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About katm

I'm just your typical depressed donkey. I'm an abuse survivor. I deal with the pain and stiffness and other fun stuff that goes with fibromyalgia. I used to teach English for a living but because of my health, that isn't any option anymore. I love to cook and feel most in my element when I'm in the kitchen tinkering around.

8 responses »

  1. I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you hurt less. Grief and loss are tough. Take care of yourself and be good to yourself.

  2. I know…. I so very much know and I’m so sorry about her.
    I like how you said yesterday that Sparkler and Captain could be playing together right now.

    I don’t know what else to say……….
    my thoughts are with you too,
    Austin

  3. we are so sorry for your loss it was obvious she had a special place in your heart

    peace and blessings

    keepers

  4. Thank you all. The hurt is getting less. The thing that bothers me the most is the quiet. I loved listening to her chatter and purr and squeak and run around her cage in circles.

  5. “The thing that bothers me the most is the quiet.”

    Me too. I can only shake my head… me too. The chatter (tail wagging, panting, all the stuff I’ve ever complained about) would be really nice to hear one more time. The quiet is nearly unbearable isn’t it? I find myself walking around my apartment kind of lost like, “okay, what do I do now.”

    Do you have pictures of her that you keep out or are you not able to do that right now? I know people grieve differently. I don’t have any photos of Cap out right now. It’s easier to talk about him than see his photo.

    I hope you are able to process this out in some way because her loss is a big one, especially right now. I would like to say, second guessing yourself is part of the grieving process but I can’t say it’s helpful. I had to stop the “if only” and “had I just responded sooner” stuff because that really ate at me. From what I know of you, Sparkler got good care and love. Eventually your heart will come to know it as much as my head has come to know and believe it.

    we wish you peace of mind,
    Austin

  6. Hugs to you Austin. I know how rough this is on me, and I can only imagine the grief you must be feeling.

    I’m starting to stop second guessing myself. I know I did all that I could do. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

    I just had three copies of a picture of Sparks in her cage printed. One is up over my desk at school, one is sitting in the same place her cage was right next to a huge bamboo plant, and the other one I put in my memory album of all the neat things my kids have done and I’ve seen here.

    I’m moving through the grief. I focus less on the pain and more on the fun and love we shared. When I think of funny stuff (the first time I put her in the big exercise ball) I laugh and cry all at the same time. I realize now it wasn’t a mistake to get her. It was a blessing in so many ways.

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