Anxiety, Art Work, Emotions, Randomness, Therapy

Running from Emotions

Running from EmotionsSo… I bought some poster paints at the store today. I was intending to finger paint with them. But I figured why I was getting art supplies, I should get some brushes. I bought some flat ones and some pointy ones. Can you tell I’m not an artist?

I taped my paper up on my wardrobe. I don’t really have any better place to do it. And I figured the paint would come off of there more easily than the wall paper if I missed the paper (which I only did once). I pulled out the flat brashes and the paint. And I attacked the paper. No, I literally attacked the first piece of paper. It was some sort of anger I was getting out. I pretty much covered the paper in reds and oranges. It was crazy. Then I balled it up and threw it in the trash. That alone was therapeutic.

But there was so many other things under the surface. I don’t even know where the anger came from tonight. It just boiled over. Better to slap paint on paper than to take it out on myself, which has been on my mind lately. I just picked the paints that spoke to me. Yeah, that sounds stupid, but that’s what it felt like. Everything was sort of swirling around. As the emotions came and went, I just made different shapes. Gah! I don’t really know how to explain it. I have no words to explain how I’m feeling right now. And because the painting is reflecting those feelings, I really don’t have the words to describe the painting.

I titled the piece “Running from Emotions” because it occurred to me as I was resizing the picture (no need to upload a 4000×3000 image here) the orange blob in the lower right looks like a person running away from everything else in the painting. That must be the whole sub-conscious thing at work again. The other thing I noticed is how small the “person” is as compared to the rest of the painting.

Overall, for my first (okay, second) try at painting with a brush, it doesn’t look too bad. I’ve seen stranger things in art museums. In a strange way, I like it. I’m looking forward to playing a bit more. I bought white paper (which is gray on the flip side) and black paper. I really want to play with the black paper. Maybe it’s the whole black equals night thing in my mind. I don’t know.

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12 thoughts on “Running from Emotions”

  1. You know, you just wrote that letter to your dad.

    And experimenting with a new form of artwork (not to mention renewing experimentation with an old form).

    Taking risks like that, going forward, expressing yourself out loud and in public — seems reasonable that you’d be flailing through some turmoil as an aftermath.

  2. VERY cool painting. I am jealous. When I paint it is very controlled (amateurish) landscapes. That freedom to just slap out emotions on the page eludes me. *sigh*

    None of your process sounds stupid at all. It sounds very organic and beautiful. Keep painting!!!!

    Tamara

  3. I think that you are trying this out is fantastic and I love the painting. I don’t want to say what I see because it is more important what it means to you. Art therapy is so impactful and revealing. Have fun while doing it. I do have a suggestion. Set it aside and come back to it a little later and write down what you see, feel and think while painting and afterward. I wish I would have done that with my fingerpaintings.

    take care,
    Clueless

  4. Y’all make me cry. No really. You do.

    Clueless: That’s a great idea. I’m going to put a reminder on my calendar to do that in about a week or so.

  5. That’s a beautiful painting, even if you werent thinking of it being so as you were doing it. The results are passionate, just like your genunine feelings. Sign it and frame it!

  6. First off when I clicked over here and saw this I sat back in my chair and went, “wow”. I really like that. I can see the art in that big time. Awesome stuff. Then I read about it and could see the little person in the corner and how the emotions are much larger than the figure. I also noticed he was exiting, not trapped by them, not over taken by them. He existed despite them. I also noticed how distinct the colours are. The colours aren’t really blending and the space between them is a good distance.

    I had to try and get my mind to stop looking at the art of it and see the therapy in it I also see a strong Asia influence.

    I say for certain that paint is better than blood. That’s exactly why I tack a piece of paper on my door and paint. For me the bigger the better because I can move around and let it flow. I’m exhausted afterwards but safe.

    I like that you tossed the other painting.

    You said you picked the paints that spoke to you…. yup, I do that too. Sometimes I’m drawn to primary colours and other times I’m drawn to gold, green and earth tones. It just depends on the mood I’m in.

    I do so love to experiment. Painting with a toothbrush huh? I know the effect was cool.

    Austin ( sorry for the novel size comment )

  7. Oh thanks for the toothbrush idea. I’m gonna have to scour the dollar store for interesting materials.

    I also realize I need some sort of palette. I have nothing to mix colors on.

    I also appreciate your comments on the piece itself. Once you said it, I see the Asian influence. I guess living over here for a year (well, two if you count my last contract at the other school) is coming out.

  8. Wow I adore that painting! I don’t usually go that mad about paintings but I really like this one :) Just wanted to tell you it made an impact on me :)

  9. I just gotta say, I’m flabbergasted at the reactions to this piece. I know I’m always my own worst critic. But seriously, it looks like a 4 year old did it…

  10. I think it’s really beautiful. No, it does not look like a 4 yr old did it, at least not to me. It looks controlled and balanced and your interpretation seems spot on. Do more!

  11. this is a wonderful painting, you are wonderful at catching a lot there!

    peace and blessings

    keepers

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