Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Medication, PTSD

When it rains, it pours

Or should that be “When it snows, it blizzards”?

Oh well.

I thought I was doing slightly better. Then yesterday rolled around. Doesn’t help that I developed a yeast infection on top of everything else. I had a panic attack at work. Thankfully it was on a break and not during the middle of a class. The principal was driving all the Korean teachers nuts and in turn the Korean teachers were driving to foreign teachers nuts. We had new student orientation today and that just sent everyone into a tizzy. Speaking of which, working on a Saturday morning just sucks. Having to be peppier and happier than usual (don’t want the new parents to think we’re not having fun) sucks. Put them together and you get major suckage.

After orientation (which went as well as could be expected) I went to LotteMart to do my errands. I wanted to have lunch at TGIFridays. I walked out of there with my meal half eaten because it was just too crowded and noisy. Then I want to the doctors where I had to explain to him why I could do the vaginal yeast infection medicine.  On the other hand, I managed to look relatively normal so I didn’t get questioned about my mood.  Which was a good thing because I was in no mood to tell him how I was really feeling.  I may try going back up to 100 mg on the Zoloft.  I had tried that and felt too wired so I cut it to 75 mg.  We’ll see. Then I tried to do my grocery shopping.  Bad idea.  It seems like at least every other week I end up walking out of the store because I just can’t handle the sensory stimulation.  It’s frustrating.  I just want to be normal.  I just want to be able to get my stuff done.

So I guess I’m headed for another early morning trip to HomePlus tomorrow.  Hopefully if I get there early enough I won’t hit the weekend before Lunar New Year crowds.

Oh and then there’s my new mouse.  My old one is dying.  Could be something to do with the fact one of my students dropped it on the floor last week.  I’m not complaining because it’s an el-cheapo mouse that I dug out of my brother’s spare parts box when the scroll wheel on my old one died.  So I did manage to buy a new mouse today at LotteMart.  I only managed because the electronics section is separate from the rest of the store and usually a bit quieter.  I get my mouse home and take it out of the package.  I swear I had bought a USB mouse.  But no, it’s a PS/2 mouse.  Crap.  My computer doesn’t even have a serial port.  I only paid about 5 bucks for it, so no big loss.  But hell, I swear it was USB.  So I’ll pick up another mouse tomorrow.  Oh and to top it off, the mp3 player I wanted was out of stock.  It was a 6GB iRiver for roughly $150.  Compared to some of the other players it was a pretty good deal.

Only good thing coming up is the fact that I only have to work two days next week.  I have stuff I want to get done (mostly some programming and compiling) but I’m not banking on it.

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7 thoughts on “When it rains, it pours”

  1. sorry things got difficult again. i have days like you describe. it feels like my aura is sunburned, and all of the other people and noises are brushing against super-tender, sunburned skin. it is miserable.

    hoping it eases off some, and that you get to enjoy your days off next week!

  2. The tone of your post actually encourages me. You are handling all this mess quite well, all things considered. Well done, and yes, I hope some relief comes your way soon.

  3. i hope today is better than yesterday. sorry to hear about it being rough right now …

  4. I wear my headphones in the store. It helps block out other noises. Try wearing your headphones while shopping.

    I know all about walking out of the store with nothing but “badness” and “strangeness” to show for it. When I walk/run out I feel so horrible. The whole, how come I can’t just go to the store like everybody else thing goes through my head. But what I’ve figured out is, not everybody else goes in with ease. So I guess I should change my inner convo to “Why can’t I just get in and out like I think everyone else does?” or “Why can’t I live up to everyone else’s standard of what I’m suppose to get done in a day’s time?” Oh I could go on and on. The truth is, with PTSD “normal” is leaving heavy traffic areas. Normal is avoiding the triggers. Healthy is working with them and trying our best to forgive ourselves when we simply must leave the store.

    smiles to you and yours,
    Austin

  5. we think your attitude is very healthy, you sound like you are not stressing nearly as much as before, so congrats to you! if our jm had got the wrong mouse he would have been quite upset! hope you get to enjoy your extra time off next week,

    peace and blessings

    keepers

  6. Thanks everyone.

    I have another post to write about some stuff that’s been going through my head. But it’s coming out as a bunch of incoherent gobbledygook.

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