Anxiety, Child Abuse, Emotions, PTSD

Scared…

…may be an understatement.

I’ve been having (what I’m assuming are) horrible body memories.  Jigsaw Analogy asked if I had gotten checked out.  Ummm… no.  I asked one of the Korean teachers at work if she knew of a gyn that speaks English.  It was horribly embarrassing for me to even ask her that.  She doesn’t.  She asked me why.  I started to cry as I tried to explain.  I hate this so much.

So Jeannie called a doctor she knows and she’s going to go with me tomorrow.  I’m terrified.  I can’t stand going to the gyn as it is.  But I’m in a strange country and a co-worker is going with me.  It’s like a nightmare.  I know I’ll feel a little bit better when I know it’s all in my head (so to speak).  But I’m so dreading have to have an exam done.

Sorry, I just needed to get this out.  Good vibes would be very much appreciated.

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11 thoughts on “Scared…”

  1. Many good vibes being sent to you from me. I have a mortal fear of the gyn…(dentist too!) as well. I am glad you have a friend to go with you.

  2. Oh, I’m sorry. I can so relate to what you’re going through (except added to everything else, the strange country part). I am here, sending those healing, peace and safety vibes.

  3. we hope all is well with the dr visit and when you return and read this know safe and warn hugs were there with you and also waiting for you now

    keepers

  4. It went as well as it could given my recent mental state. There’s nothing physically wrong. Once again, it’s all just in my head.

  5. i really hope having your co-worker there helped a bit. i hate drs and i am sending many good vibes to you right now. here are a few SAFE hugs for you when you are ready to accept them … {{{safe hugs}}}

  6. glad there’s nothing physically wrong. i hope the body memories ease up pretty soon, because they are NOT fun. not one bit. it was brave to go–i am not so good with either the ob/gyn or the dentist. really need to follow up with the ob/gyn, too, since i was supposed to go for some testing. maybe your bravery–going in a foreign country with a co-worker–will inspire me to go for those tests.

  7. I’m glad you’re okay physically. Wow, you are brave to have that checked out. I wouldn’t buy that “it’s all in your head” stuff. I’ve been reading a lot lately about trauma. I think, if I understand any of this correctly at all, that what we call “body memories” are often part of the “freeze response” that hasn’t been discharged. You’re not to blame, crazy or any such thing, that’s for sure.

  8. Thank you for the courage to share on a very sensitive and personal subject Katm. Your reality is your reality. I am proud of you for taking care of yourself, by asking someone to go with you to the appt. Great work my friend. Thank you again for your kindness.

    Have a pleasant day my friend.

    Craig

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