This is a continuation of what I started ages ago in this post. There were some questions in this exercise that are just too hard to answer right now. But I’ll try to come back to them when I feel a little bit stronger.
CREATING A DIALOG WITH YOUR INNER TODDLER
From: Cathryn L. Taylor M.A. The Inner Child Workbook
Creating a Dialog:
1. What is her favorite color?
Her favorite color is blue. She really likes deep, dark blues.
2. What is her favorite bedtime story? Favorite toy?
Her favorite story is “The Cat in the Hat”. But her parents don’t read it to her. She reads it to herself. Her favorite toy is her stuffed mouse.
3 What activity does she most enjoy?
She loves sitting in the stuffed chair in her room and reading. She doesn’t like going outside to play with other children. She feels like she doesn’t fit in. She feels so much older than the other kids in the neighborhood, even though she’s the same age.
4. Ask her to tell you about its fear of being left because of misbehavior, or fear of hearing or saying no.
Ever since her mother put her in the car and threatened to drive her to the orphanage and leave her, she is very afraid of being left anywhere. She is convinced that her parents will never come back for her. She never says “no” to her parents. She is afraid of being hit or being sent away. But she is very used to hearing “no” from them.
5 What does she need most from you?
She needs to be understood. She needs to be told that it is really OK to have feelings. She needs to know that she won’t be sent away no matter what she does.
6. Ask her if you parent her the way your parents did you. If so, how does this feel?
Sometimes it does feel the same way. She feels like she is ignored or not wanted.
As an adult, this hurts me. I don’t want to make her sad. I don’t want to hurt her.
7. How does she feel about you? Does she understand what it means to be reclaimed by you?
Sometimes she is scared of me. She’s afraid that I’ll hurt her the way she was hurt before.
She doesn’t really understand what it means to be reclaimed. It sounds more like the empty promises made by her parents.
8. Does she feel comfortable with your setting limits and saying no?
9. Is there anything she wants to know about you? Does she trust you to protect her boundaries and to respond to her needs?
She has many of the same questions as the inner infants. She want to know if I’ll hurt her like other adults in her life. She wants to know if I’ll listen to her fears or if I’ll just make fun of them. She wants to know if it’s OK to just be that little girl that she is.
She doesn’t really trust me though. So many of the adults that were supposed to take care of her ended up hurting her. She’s skeptical that I would be any different.
10. What joys does she want to offer you and what prevents this from happening?