My anxiety seems to be going through the roof tonight. I guess it’s anxiety. It might be more of the PTSD stuff coming through. Not so much flashbacks as the body stuff. I’ve been trying to distract myself for the last few hours and it’s just not working.
I’ve noticed quite a bit more dissociation than typical. I find myself going away while teaching. I guess I keep on teaching, but I have no real conscious memory of it. I assume a student would say something to someone if I totally shut down during class. It would freak the little kids out, that’s for sure. So I must just be working on auto-pilot.
There feels like there is so much to say. But it just won’t come out. It’s more of those gut level feelings that I can’t describe in any coherent way. I get especially frustrated when this starts.
The only good thing I can say is that I think the Zoloft is finally starting to kick in. I’m not as depressed as before. Although, that’s not saying much because I’m still pretty damn depressed. My sleep isn’t great. I’ve been falling asleep faster, but waking up early. It was 5:30 AM today. After tossing and turning for an hour I gave up and got up. I’ve also been waking up multiple times a night. Note to self… don’t turn the TV on at 3 AM. Korean porn isn’t the best thing to see in the middle of the night. Hell, I’m not sure I’d want to see Korean porn even during the day.
Heh… I just started wondering how many hits I’m going to get from people searching for “Korean Porn”.
God I need a life.