What the heck

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Where did these SI urges come from all of a sudden?

I’m tired. Yeah. But that certainly doesn’t completely explain them. The flashbacks have been somewhat quieter. The nightmares have gone down to a dull roar. So what’s up then? Why now?

It’s not that hard to resist them right now. I’ve got some fairly good coping skills in place. And those skills are working well. I’m keeping my hands and mind busy with the computer. It’s damn near impossible to cut while typing things like what I did earlier. And all the while, I was saying prayers to the Linux gods that they would bless my noobish efforts on installing a script and using it.

cd /home/kathryn/documents
su
mysupersecretpassword
cp newlog /usr/local/bin
exit
su boinc
anotherofmygreatpasswords
cd ~
ls | grep boinc.log
newlog boinc.log
ls | grep boinc.log
cat boinc.log.0
cat boinc.log

Yeah. It makes my head hurt too. But the Linux gods were smiling down on me.

So it’s the whole not knowing where the urges are coming from that bugs me. Sometimes it feels like I end up chasing my own mental tail. I tend to over analyze everything. There are times when I wish I could be more like a duck. Just let everything roll right off my back.

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About katm

I'm just your typical depressed donkey. I'm an abuse survivor. I deal with the pain and stiffness and other fun stuff that goes with fibromyalgia. I used to teach English for a living but because of my health, that isn't any option anymore. I love to cook and feel most in my element when I'm in the kitchen tinkering around.

5 responses »

  1. Maybe your brain let you feel these urges *because* you’re in a state to resist them…?

    Nice to hear from you again.

    And yes, I relate to the over-analyzing.

  2. HI

    we just wanted to say we were thinking of you and keeping you in our thoughts. Where they come from you will know when it suddenly “clicks” and you will say “oh yeah, now i see”
    until then keep on keeping on!!

    peace and blessings and hugs

    keepers

  3. Interesting idea Marcy. The human mind is a total mystery to me sometimes.

    Thanks keepers. I appreciate the support.

  4. I can watch TV, take a walk, talk to a friend, whatever and this flash of me cutting the effe out of my arms comes over me. I have no idea why other than guilt. I sometimes feel guilty for feeling okay.

    Austin

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