Anxiety, Emotions, Self Injury

Update of the update

Well. It’s 10:00 pm on Tuesday. I’m sitting in front of my computer at home writing this. I’m not on an airplane on my way to Korea. And I’m pissed.

Yes. The visa that should have been in my hands on Saturday… it’s somewhere between Chicago and Cleveland.

I could scream.

When I checked the mail this afternoon and it wasn’t there, I flipped out. Once I got myself calm enough to think rationally, I called the post office and got no help. Then I did something I rarely do. I took an Ativan and went to sleep.

I was having extremely intense self injury urges. They were so bad, I was looking through my room for my tools. I was having a horrible time coping. Talking to a friend wasn’t helping. So I did the only thing I could think of. I took the meds.

I’m calmer now. So the only thing left to do is wait for the visa to come. The travel agent won’t rebook the flight until I have those documents in my hands. And I can’t say I blame him.

*sigh*

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13 thoughts on “Update of the update”

  1. I would also be irate about the visa not coming through in time, and (Ani) about the plane tickets being sent to the wrong place. I have trouble remembering that, ten years down the road, three weeks doesn’t make much of a difference. But I’m striving to adapt to changes and the world not running according to my own very efficient schedule (or, for that matter, my own mind not running according to my efficient schedules!).

    Good luck in Korea! You’ll get there soon.

  2. I had a therapist tell me one time that life is difficult and things always go wrong. So if I could just accept it and expect it then dealing with such things would be easier. At that same hospital I woke up at 4am to take a flight back home (the hospital was out of state, they had a promising trauma based program that specialized in treating trauma-based disorders) since my stay had come to an end. But then I found out that instead of sending the tickets to the hospital they sent them to my home (back in Ohio). I was very irate.

    I was sitting their bawling, as pissed as could be. The counselor walked up to me and gave me a comforting smile. “See” she said. These things happen. But in the end, in the grand scheme of things your going to be just fine. You have to wait til Monday to go home (it was Friday), but you ARE going home. So its okay.”

    In the end, I had to hand it to her. She was right. So now the only advice that I can think to give you is hers. Sleep well and hang in there. You’ll get to Korea soon enough and all will be well. In the meantime try to enjoy the moment instead of be angry about where you should be right now. Its not your fault and nothing can be done. But you can relax and take comfort in the fact that, in the grand scheme of things, everything is going to be okay.

    I hope this helps in someway.

    Hope Sent,

    ~ Ani.

  3. I hate waiting. I hate not having control. But yes, fighting reality doesn’t really accomplish anything. Using your meds sounds like a wise choice in the circumstances. And now that you’re calmer, hopefully you’ll be able to endure the waiting.

  4. I had to laugh this morning… I received an email from my recruiter…

    Murphy’s Law comes to mind! Don’t worry too much about it… These things always work out just fine. He’s a true bully!!! You can have a good laugh about it all in a few weeks over a few Cass beers…..

    Personally, if I’m going to drink (which I rarely do), I’ll take ice cold soju over a Cass beer, but either way works :)

  5. Gah, that’s so annoying. At least it’s a problem that’s easily solved, though; all you really can do is wait, and then rebook the flight.

  6. Things always work out the way that they’re supposed to. I try to remind myself of that when things get in my way and feel like they’re interfering with the control that I want to have. I just think about the time that I was in the car with some friends, driving through downtown early one Saturday morning, when some guy came up from behind driving like a maniac. He went around and cut me off as I was about to turn the corner. I had to slam on the brakes at the corner, and the light turned red. There was no right on red, and I was stuck sitting there. I was so pissed and yelling out loud about it, and didn’t let it go even as I headed to get onto the expressway.My friends were just sitting there, listening to me rave as we started traveling down the expressway. Then, ahead of us there was someone stopped in one lane. It was the car that had cut me off. He was stuck in the middle of the expressway with a queen sized mattress jammed up under the front end of his car. Someone who was moving, and had tied their mattress to the top of their van, had lost the mattress off the van as they were driving 65 mph. There was no other traffic out that early. If he hadn’t cut me off as I was about to turn, it would’ve been me with the mattress under my car. I think about that when I feel like things are out of my control. If it had gone my way, it wouldn’t have worked out very well for me. There’s a greater plan than ours. For whatever reason, you weren’t supposed to be on that plane. You’ll get there when the time is right. Hang in there.

  7. murphys law reigns supreme! like Ani said, it will all work out and none of it is your fault, you will get there and we will be corresponding with you from Korea!

    Good luck and we know it will all work out for you!

    peace and safe traveling

    keepers

  8. I am sorry that this comment isn’t on topic completely, but I will start by saying I hope things work out on your travel plans! Next, just wanted to say that you have a great blog here and I hope you continue on putting out topics that help people!

    Trent

  9. Gah… It’s so frustrating. I don’t do well when I feel like I’ve lost control. And now I’m at the mercy of the USPS. It’s making me batshit insane right now.

    Trent… thanks for you kind comments. I’ve always enjoyed reading your posts in the forums and I’ve learned quite a bit from them.

  10. I thought for sure you were in the air. I actually thought you would be in Korea by now which is why I hadn’t stopped by. That’s what I get for thinking the visa came through. Lord. I know how much you want to be g-o-ne gone right now. I shall send you a hug.

    Today is therapy day for me which is why this is short and sweet. I have to do laundry first. I’ve got 3 hours to do this or show up dirty. I dont’ like the last option.

    later taters,
    Austin

  11. I so want to be in Korea right now. Thanks much for the hug.

    Good luck with therapy. And yeah… don’t go all smelly like.

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