Child Abuse, Family, My story, Positive things, Therapy

Challenging the words that hurt

In this post, I talked about the memories of things my parents said to me while I was growing up. Marcy suggested talking back to the voices of my parents. Here is a start. Some of my responses are pretty dumb. For some of them, it was hard to be rational, as opposed to sarcastic. But I tried my best. I wasn’t able to come up with responses to some of the statements. I’ll keep working on those.

 

  • I wish you were never born! (It was your choice to have a child. I’m here. And I can’t be taken back.)
  • I’ll give you something to cry about! (Crying is a normal human reaction to be hurt, physically or emotionally. It’s okay to cry.)
  • You’ll never amount to anything! (I’ve done good and interesting things with my life.)
  • How can you be so stupid? (I may do stupid things, but that doesn’t mean I’m a stupid person.)
  • You’re such a brat! (Every kid has his/her bad days, just like you do.)
  • Why can’t you be more like (insert name here)? (I’m not him/her. I’m my own person with my own unique characteristics.)
  • I hate you! (That’s your choice. But it doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person.)
  • What the hell is your problem? (I was having a bad day. We’re all entitled to one every once in a while.)
  • You should have known better! (How could I have known better? I was still trying to learn how life works.)
  • You’re throwing your life away! (That’s your opinion. Not going to medical school wasn’t the end of the world.)
  • What don’t you just behave? (I was trying my best. Everyone gets tired or frustrated and acts out.)
  • You drive me to drink! (Your alcohol consumption is your choice.)
  • Why do you have to spoil everything? (I don’t spoil everything. That’s an absolute statement. And those sorts of statements are rarely true.)
  • You’re so damn lazy! (I work very hard.)
  • You make me sick! (Your feelings are your responsibility.)
  • Don’t you talk to me like that! (You are reading more into my words than is really there.)
  • This hurts me more than it hurts you! (Your feelings are your responsibility.)
  • I should trade you in on a new model! (It was your choice to have a child. I was the one that was born. Nobody gets to pick and choose the child they conceive.)
  • You are such a slob! (Sometimes, I’m messy. But most people are as well.)
  • Do you know what happens to little girls who lie? (Little girls who lie can get in trouble. But that doesn’t justify physical violence.)
  • “Mental Giant”! (I’m not be the smartest person in the world, but I’m not the dumbest either.)
  • For a kid who’s supposed to be so smart, you’re pretty damn dumb! (Everyone does dumb things at times. But that doesn’t make me a dumb person.)
  • Who do you think you are? (I don’t know. It’s a question I’ve been trying to answer for years.)
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10 thoughts on “Challenging the words that hurt”

  1. Great works. You must be really proud of yourself right now. That is a hard thing to do, talking back to voices that are stuck in your head for so many years. Your answer shows that you are progressing in your journey. Don’t give up. Congrats! HUGS

  2. Thanks. It was really hard to do. I’ve printed the list out and when the voices get to loud I start yelling back at them.

    Hmmm…. that makes me sound really nuts.

  3. It actually was an interesting process. I almost had to look at it from a distance. Sort of asking myself what I would say to someone who had heard those things. I guess detaching myself from the emotions of the comments. I think that’s where the sarcasm was coming from. The sarcastic responses didn’t make it to the blog entry though.

  4. These are really good – well done! In fact, these are better than really good; these are fantastic!

    You should be proud of you, I am!

    And for the record, yelling back to the voices does not make you crazy – in fact it will probably lesson the amount of craziness in you… hmm… maybe I should try it…

  5. Reminds me of something I learned in labor. My midwife told me, when I was yelling, that if I yelled high pitched and loud, I’d be giving my brain a scared message, which would make me feel scared. If I yelled low pitched and quieter, I would give a message of determination and feel determined. It worked. What you say out loud is a much stronger message to your brain than what you just think to yourself. So yell at those voices! Just not in a high pitch. :)

  6. Oh wow. Good for you and excellent suggestion, Marcy. I only wish my/our parents even bothered talking to us as kids so I could shout back at them *rolls eyes*

    Although, I suppose I could still shout angry stuff at them in my head, or aloud or on paper or whatever now because they sucked so much.

  7. Marcy… that’s an interesting observation by your midwife. It makes some sense. If you think about the yelp of a dog who has been hurt or is scared versus a growl of a dog who is angry or defending its territory.

    PA… yell away. I did it in the car today on the way home from my therapy session. Thankfully no one could hear me because my car is sounding like jet. Time to get a new exhaust system.

    ::sigh::

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