Friends

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Something I don’t understand is why my friends stand by me. There are a couple people (and you know who you are) who have stood by me through thick and thin. Two, who despite a 6 hour time difference and it being the middle of the night for them, stayed up with me and listened to me cry into my microphone on a Skype voice chat.

In my mind, I’m a worthless piece of crap, lower than the junk floating along in a sewer. So it boggles my mind that someone would want to be my friend. Forget be my friend, even be associated with me. The way I think, I feel that they would have been better off never knowing me.

As hard as I try to push some of them away, they keep coming back. That’s another thing I guess I don’t understand. Nothing I do makes their lives easy. In reality it makes things more dificult for them. But they won’t walk away. They hang in there with me. They try to support me no matter how difficult I make things for them.

I just don’t understand…

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About katm

I'm just your typical depressed donkey. I'm an abuse survivor. I deal with the pain and stiffness and other fun stuff that goes with fibromyalgia. I used to teach English for a living but because of my health, that isn't any option anymore. I love to cook and feel most in my element when I'm in the kitchen tinkering around.

7 responses »

  1. “Two, who despite a 6 hour time difference and it being the middle of the night for them, stayed up with me and listened to me cry into my microphone on a Skype voice chat.”

    I’m one of the two.

    “In my mind, I’m a worthless piece of crap, lower than the junk floating along in a sewer. So it boggles my mind that someone would want to be my friend. Forget my be my friend, even be associated with me. The way I think, I feel that they would have been better off never knowing me.”

    “I just don’t understand…”

    Well, the plain fact is, you’re not a worthless piece of crap. That’s the long and the short of it. Even broken, you’re far, far from worthless, for many reasons, two of which I will name here:

    1. Your blog, and other examples where you expose your pain, is an example and a comfort to others who have suffered similarly, but thought they were alone;

    2. I enjoy your company (yes, even if all you do is cry sometimes), and I hardly know you. I’m sure that those who have closer/more frequent contact with you in Real Life enjoy your company as well, because you’re an intelligent and interesting person.

    These two examples of how you bring light into the darkness of the lives of others are reflections of your intrinsic value.

    And there is no way I would be “better off” not knowing someone who brings light, at such great cost to themselves.

    Light-bringers are so rare, and light is often so difficult to find– oh, no, you are not worthless, not by a long shot.

    But if it makes you feel better, at least you’re wrong (to think so) :D .

    We all make mistakes, though, so being wrong about that is OK too– means you’re human, just like the rest of us.

    Hang in there.

  2. Thanks for visiting my blog, and leaving the encouraging comment. This is my first time here, so I’m puttering around trying to get a sense of who you are. Your poetry is very moving and real, please keep writing and posting it.

    beautifuldreamer

  3. be thankful for those that hang in there despite how you feel about yourself. For those that hang in there no matter what shit you dish out to them are the people who are real, the people who matter, the people who are your “adopted” family. That’s the stuff that shows you life is worth living, and everything is going to beaite!

  4. I am very thankful for the friends I have.

    They are very, very special to me.

    The one thing I worry about is hurting them. It was my friend’s face that stopped me from ending it all New Year’s Eve.

    I moderate on an online mental health support forum and one thing I always tell other people who are dealing with family problems is that we can’t pick our families, but we can pick our friends. And it’s those friends that become the family we so wish we had. It’s something I need to keep telling myself… sometimes one’s own advice is the hardest to listen to.

  5. Kath,

    You ought to know by now you can’t push us away. You’d only hurt us deeply when you do end it all. At the rest of the time we try to be there for you. No matter what hardship we have to sit through.

    I am deeply thankful you are still around. Yet I am sorry we don’t live on your side of the water, else we’d have visited you by now and taken you out of your vicious circle.

    We’re still around to listen, OK?

    Jord.

  6. Here’s one Kat will understand.

    Thank you for being a friend
    Traveled down the road and back again
    your heart is true you’re a pal and a confidant

    I’m not ashamed to say
    I hope it always will stay this way
    My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow

    And if you threw a party
    Invited everyone you knew
    You would see, the biggest gift would be for me
    and the card attached would say,
    Thank you for being a friend

    Thank you for being a friend
    Thank you for being a friend
    Thank you for being a friend

    If it’s a car you lack
    I’d surely buy you a cadillac
    Whatever you need, anytime of the day or night

    I’m not ashamed to say
    I hope it always will stay this way
    My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow

    And when we both get older
    With walking canes and hair of gray
    Have no fear, even though it’s hardly here
    I will stand real close and say,
    Thank you for being a friend

    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Let me tell you bout a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend

    And when we die, and float away
    I’ll see you there, and once again
    Thank you for being a

    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I want to thank you)
    Thank you for being a friend
    Whoa, tell you about a friend
    (Thank you right now, for being a friend)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I wanna tell you right now, and tell you again)
    Thank you for being a friend
    (I wanna thank you, thank you, for being a friend)
    Thank you for being a friend

  7. Thank you Jord for being there for me.

    I know I don’t say it often enough but you are really special to me. Almost anyone else would have run away by now. You really are an angel.

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