Weather Changes

I think weather changes are the worst for me.  Even though I find it difficult to tolerate the cold, this swing upward in temperature along with the rain is, once again, doing a number on my pain levels.

On a slightly positive note, the rebound muscles spasms I was having after waking up (my doc put me on a muscle relaxer at night) seem to have calmed down.  I’ve been trying to do some self massage using the molding around the doors.  It hurts like hell while doing it, but it does seems to give some modest short term relief.

I wish I could get a proper massage.  When I was doing PT in Korea for my back and shoulders, they started each session with about 20 minutes of massage.  And I went three times a week.  Strangely enough, my Korean doctors seemed to be more aggressive about pain control than my US doctor.  But that could be because she’s a GP, not a specialist.

I need to follow up on my Medicaid application.  I think if I could get into see a rheumatologist (I won’t even say a good one), I could do a bit better in the pain management department.  I also need to call my GP.  I’m on an NSAID for whatever sort of arthritis I have in my hands, elbows, shoulders and now feet.  However, I’ve been getting heartburn so bad lately, I could light up the city skyline.  I really hate to stop it because it does help a little bit with the pain and stiffness.  Unfortunately, there aren’t many options in those types of meds.  I tried Celebrex, and while it worked, I’d be reliant on my GP for samples.  At least with the Mobic, it’s only 4 bucks at a local pharmacy.

I guess that’s enough whining for one day.  I’m going to fill out a job application I got out of the blue in the mail.  I think if I’d stop feeling like such a failure for not being able to find a job, I’d be less depressed.

All That Jazz

Or maybe just some of it.  OK, probably none of it.

My brain is utterly fried.  I don’t know what to blame it on…  constant stress, depression, anxiety, fibro.  All of the above, maybe?

I guess if you want to look on the plus side, my PTSD symptoms are pretty much nonexistent aside from anxiety and a wicked startle response.  But I’m bone tired.  Like stay in bed all day bone tired.  And my bones hurt from the cold.  Spring can’t come soon enough for me.

My doc started me on a muscle relaxant at night.  While that’s a good thing (I think since I’m not waking up with spasms in my back and legs) my muscles seem to clamp down even harder during the day.  I could barely straiten my back yesterday.

I’ve applied for my state’s medicaid program.  I’m trying to figure out what the next step with them is.  The website isn’t exactly clear.  I guess I need to go in person.  Luckily for me, there’s an office in the city I live in.  It’s just a depressing place to go.  I’ve already found out that my current PCP doesn’t take medicaid.  Bad because I hate getting established with a new doctor.  Good because, well, to be honest, I didn’t really like my PCP to begin with.  On the other hand, who knows.  The new one could be worse.  And all this is stressing me out too.

I think the only thing keeping me sane is my kitties.  I’m house/cat sitting for someone this week.  Their kitty loves me.  He always wants to be on top of me, kneading me.  And damn it.  It hurts.  I can only put him down so many times before he gets more insistent.  Oh well.  It’s only for a few more days and then I’ll be back with my mostly non cuddly kitties.

7 Years

A lot has changed in 7 years.  I’m a marginally happier person, thanks to years of being away from my crazy family.  My health has taken a huge hit.  Fibromyalgia sucks big time.  I’m out of work, and would love to go back to teaching.  But, realistically, that’s not going to happen.  My body and mind can’t take the stress.  I’ll miss my treatment team in Korea for sure.  I had an excellent psychiatrist and rheumatologist.

I have no resolutions for the new year.  I’m just trying to survive one day at a time.

Not sure about the blogging thing, I logged back in here on a whim and saw it was my 7th blogging birthday.  We’ll see what the future brings.

As for me, I’m heading back to my warm bed to try to sleep off whatever disease my brothers and I picked up at church on Christmas Eve.

Back?

Or maybe not.

Fibro has decided to beat up my body again.  I don’t know if I can keep myself from crying.  Please no kind words about it’s ok to cry.  I’ve heard them all and, well, that message is too ingrained in my head still.

Well, isn’t this fun.  I’m going to do some stretches.  Hopefully without screaming.

Blogging

I just don’t have the energy to blog.  I nearly freaked out when Dr. P told me to take two showers a day.  I was frank and said it was never going to happen.

I bought a glucose meter.  More often than not, I’m hypoglycemic.  I have Gatorade on hand and a small can of Coke if my sugar really drops.

As before this blog is officially on hold.  This is just an update for those asking.